Goodbye 2009!

Citizen Journalism = blogging

God bless the concept of blogging. It has finally given the common, educated persons who are not literary experts or did not had the intentions of pursuing a career in journalism to have a platform to share their opinions, their thoughts, their point of view. This platform can be used as true citizen journalism, but the citizenship should include the entire world.

 

We may not be capable of creating a painting with our words like maupassant or tagore but may have some thing to say about some topic, which is related to our life, or the lives of our loved ones. Or may be we just want to share a beautiful experience, or warn others to not to repeat our mistakes.

 

Blogging has handed over that pen and writing pad to us, the common public of the world. The greater part of human population in the world. For the first time in human history- we have the freedom to express our opinion freely with the entire world and receive their responses. To open the window of our heart, soul and society wide, to let in air and light from the entire world.

 

Just like any political system, our political system too has its control over media. It may be well hidden but we all know that it is there, letters on sensitive issues are rejected, or articles on sensitive issues are rejected. Brave journalists get killed. Politics is always scared of media, the most popular weapon of public interaction, hence it tries to choke it or silence it, there is nothing surprising in that.  But recently, specially after the spread of internet and communication through internet one thing has come forth that the picture has changed and a new horizon has opened to the socially aware people to come forth and speak their mind.

 

Blogging has become the largest weapon of spreading public awareness among the masses. People who cant become journalist but have their say about whats going on around them. They are not ready to be tormented without committing any fault any more. Nor are they interested to stay mute spectators of suffering of others.

 

Time after time internet has been used as a strong weapon against injustice or public display board. Take it from attack on lovestruck youngsters to terrorist attacks. The net was used by the common public like you and me to show our displeasure. To tell that we are united, a handful of us may squabble in the provocation of others but majority of us mind our own businesses. We believe in living in peace and let others live in peace.

 

The best thing about blogging is its completely under the control of the blogger. He or she can say any thing he or she feels like, there is no one to interfere or reject that opinion. This is the true independence of mind, people are free in the real sense of the word to write what they mean. Others may accept, agree or reject these thoughts.

Aggressiveness

If we observe keenly we will sadly agree that modern world is of shoving and pushing. The more aggressive you are, the more mileage you will gain. Aggession and ruthlessness has become the mantra for success. Today the gentlemen are roughly pushed to back seat by less qualified or eligible go getters. The softer you are the worser nightmare your career life will become, no matter how capable you are if you cant fight tooth and nail for it, or opt for the “by hook or by crook” policy  you wont be able to make steady place.

 

There will be always a fear lurking in the corner that some one will grab your well deserved seat by some under the seat method.

 

If we see we will realize that its just the way the society is moving, it does not all of a sudden pops up its head once a person joins an office. Modern day children are brought up that way. Our parents used to teach us compassion, humility, affection. Today the children are taught to be competitive, ruthless, selfish. When they grow up they give the society the same. It does not have any connection with poverty, today the luxury in the life of common man is far more than it was twenty years ago.

 

We were taught by our parents that sharing never makes you poor, it makes you spiritually rich. The boys and girls who did not shared were called selfish, but today they are called smart.

 

 Some how the sharing tendency has changed to grabbing tendency. We have started to think mainly for only us, even our parents don’t fall in our private circle. We often take them as threat to our luxury too. We cant share our excess income with them, forget about bare necessities.

 

I have read in an article that its due to population explosion, a group of scientists have proved it with a group of rats in an confined enclosure. The more their numbers grew their aggression increased. If we study human society, we will see the same symptoms. There is an overeager ness for grabbing for things, which we may never need.

 

Say, for example, where is the problem in sharing our excess clothes or money with people who don’t have any? Is it necessary that we will have to make a postmortem or set up an enquiry committee to assess the worthiness of the stretched hand? How poor he really is, what does he does with the one rupee coin which we gave them or the rejected shirt we gave them? I remember the beautiful doha by rahim which meant those people who stretch their palm for favour are already dead, but those who refuse them are doubly so. They have died before them.

 

We are forgetting that every society moves together to get a goal. People bulldoze others in stampede or battlegrounds, not in a civilized society. If we turn away our face from the suffering of other peoples, burning down of their houses, our homes will not be saved either.

BEAUTIFUL GESTURES

When I was a child I have been taught by my parents that we should say thank you to everyone who does some thing good to us and sorry when we do something bad to someone.

 

The same thing has been taught in schools I have learnt. I have personally added a few things to it, I think we all can practice it with the touch of heart, or else it will become a façade.

 

One, I always find out a quality in a person who has paid a compliment to me, if not then, I later pay him or her a compliment for his own virtues. Actually I like paying compliments voluntarily, and finding out qualities in people. I think by paying a person a compliment I spread a little harmless happiness. That’s a thing worth spreading to me. Not only that, if we make it a habit of finding virtues in others life becomes more pleasant for us and others. Recently a wonderful lady asked me why do we look for virtues in others and ignore our own virtues. After a little soul searching I thought, whatever the reason might be it increases love, feeling of security and trust in both hearts.

 

Two, if someone helps me; I certainly try to help him back. I either help him back in the same manner or some other. But , I never help anyone with hope of return, only a thank you is enough for me, a thank you from heart.

 

Three, if someone gifts me something, let it be a petty thing like a greeting card or pen, I always keep that in mind and when I am out shopping I don’t forget to buy something for him. I have seen that some people have a habit of gifting near and dear friends but they rarely get it back. I don’t know whether they mind or not, but may be somewhere deep down it hurts.

 

Four, showing a little consideration to elderly, fragile or people facing emergency. But I have gladly noted that people of Kolkata are very kind in this regard. Some grumble but finally they let them have their seat.

Thus spoke the prophet

His Last Sermon

O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether after this year I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present here today. 

O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your Lord, and that he will indeed reckon your deeds. Allah has forbidden you to take usury (interest), therefore all interest obligations shall henceforth be waived. Your capital is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer any inequity. Allah has judged that there shall be no interest and that all the interest due to Abbas ibn 'Abd'al Muttalib (the Prophet's uncle) be waived. 

Every right arising out of homicide in pre-islamic days is henceforth waived and the first such right that i waive is that arising from the murder of Rabiah ibn al Harithibn. 

O People, the unbelievers indulge in tampering with the calender in order to make permissible that which Allah forbade, and to forbid that which Allah has made permissible. With Allah the months are twelve in number. Four of them are holy, three of these are successive and one occurs singly between the months of Jumada and Shaban. 

Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope of that he will be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things. 

O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right, then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste. O People, listen to me in earnest, worship Allah, say your five daily prayers, fast during the month of Ramadhan, and give your wealth in Zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to. 

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over a white - except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belogs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not therefore do injustice to yourselves. Remember one day you will meet Allah and answer your deeds. So beware: do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone. 

O People, no prophet or apostle will come after me, and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O People, and understand my words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Qur'an and my Sunnah and if you follow these you will never go astray. 

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness, O Allah, that I have conveyed Your message to Your people.

This sermon was delivered on the Ninth Day of Dhul-Hijjah 10 A.H. in the 'Uranah valley of Mount Arafat' in Mecca.

A little promise to myself

In this world of pain and betrayal not to lose my heart and spirit if my expression of love, respect and trust is misinterpreted

 

Instead of getting hurt making my heart and soul strong enough to radiate these feelings irrespective of the responses.

 

People get so much hurt because of their innocent nature that they flinch at every hand stretched at them.

 

I promise myself to be nonchalant toward their reaction as much as I can, and keep my heart and soul full of affection, respect and love for as many fellow human beings as possible.

 

We can never know why a person bites the hand that feeds him, may be someone has misused his gratitude in the past one too many times. Or may be his past is so dark that he cant see light in human beings. I should try not to judge his actions, in place of that I should let his rudeness trickle down my soul like a drop of water trickles down the leaf to grass, without leaving behind a scar.

 

In place of expecting rewards from human beings I should hope that God, who sees it all, blesses me with more chances of serving his children happily.

Merry XMAS!

A carol

those of you who want to read the carol, just copy it in your computer and read it, its worth reading, atleast i loved it very much. :)

Gratitude for life

Every morning when we wake up if we thank God for giving us a brand new day, a roof over our head and bread on our plate, our point of view towards life changes.

 

Gratitude for what we have in life, the good things and what we don’t have in life.. bad things turns our life into a piece of stable happiness.

 

When I was a child I used to wake up looking forward to a brand new day, this continued till first job. Then slowly I became worldly wise. That world is not made of only good people, there are people who will ruin you for nothing, just to make the path of their life easier.

 

Then for a decade or so my faith in human beings started to go downward.. and suddenly I realized one thing, that God is our best friend and she keeps the faith.. every thing changed thereafter.

 

We suffer most when we live without gratitude. There is one entity to whom we can be grateful through out the life.. God. Apart from God there are so many things which we can be grateful for.

 

A healthy body, a life, a home, food, clothes.. the sense to enjoy them all. Our tastes, our hobbies…the list can go on if we sit down with gratitude in our heart.

 

I have once read a beautiful mail that said every morning I wake up I thank god..

 

For giving me another day

For life to meet it

For eyes to see it

For mind to know it

For a tongue to speak

A pair of hands and legs to perform my duties.

For a tongue to speak and taste the various tastes.

For a roof on my head, a bed, a clean set of clothes…..

 

Our list of gratitude will go on and on if we let it.

A beautiful bond called friendship

A beautiful bond called friendship, it is one of the purest and unselfish bond which binds two human hearts together. A bond praised by even angels. A relationship admired by human beings for centuries. This brings together two complete strangers and ties them together with a bond deeper than love or affection.

 

When we love we seek the pleasure of the physical companionship of our mate, his closeness, his loving, and his companionship.

 

When we love our parents we hope for their guidance, their protection and other helps.

 

When we love our children we hope their affection and patience with us when we are old.

 

Somehow our own happiness gets mingled with theirs to form a complete relationship. But when we share affection with our friends all we need is a little time and place from their life. Our expectation starts and ends there. We stay content with whatever we get, never complain.

 

We always back off when our friend is chasing his priorities, his love, his family duties or career, we back without complain. We never demand any thing from him.

 

Next time when any of your relationship loses all its colour and splendour, don’t bid it goodbye, mould it into friendship and see the difference, the only requirement is both will have to be willing to do so.

half justice

Today morning i was reading a news piece in a newspaper. The story really moved me. Its really painful when protectors become hound.

The story narrated was a girl won the lusty eyes of a very powerful man, refused and lodged a case ending in her suicide and destruction of her family, while  the rest of the society watched a ganged up harassment of that family.  (The case is still awaiting judgment so I cant say who is true or what is the actual story but this thing is quite a common practice these days...)

These wolves in sheep's attire somehow remind me of those German Shepherd dogs who used to gobble up the lambs while the Shepherds thought that the wolves have eaten them.

Whenever someone shows the courage to fight them back they bring down hell on their victims and their famillies.

Why does the rest of the society acts like a pack of lambs? Dont we know that if we let our neighbour's home burn the fire will reach ours too?

I used to think that incidents like these are rare, i very sadly realized that its quite common in India. May be Indian society needs a real shaking from the roots to wake up and stop acting like lambs.

Gratitude

Gratitude, a divine word, but this feeling, and its expression should be measured for our own sake. Because this feeling is often used as a weapon of exploitation against a noble heart.

Every one has read the epic Ramayan, how Dashrath’s grateful nature resulted in his death pining for his beloved son. Those who have not, Dasharath was a great king, one of his queens once saved his life, he promised her that he will fulfill her three wishes. Then time passed by and time came when Dasharath was about to hand over his throne to his elder-most son, Sriram that very day the queen requested him to fulfill her three wishes, as a result Sriram went to forest and her son Bharat was made the king. Dasharath died pining for his beloved son in a very short span of time.

It’s a very true word, gratitude blesses the heart which holds it, I some how feel that a person without gratitude is hardly a human being. But, then again this feeling can be overwhelming, it can blind us from realizing selfish motives behind a petty act of kindness. I have often wanted to discuss the flip and the flop side of this coin.

Lets first take up the beautiful sides of this divine virtue which makes our soul beautiful, without which we somehow lack to be human being. It is often quoted as essence of humanity. It gives happiness not only to the person who does a good deed, it makes the person on the receiving end a happier person. Because by realizing the good deed and its beauty he relishes it twice.

On the other hand this is a virtue which can make us puppet in the hands of a scheming person. People who help others and in return of that help sometimes completely control their life. I am not talking on this topic based on assumptions, they are mostly based on my personal experiences, and experience of years.

I once personally knew a lady from intimate proximity, who used to give gifts to her own siblings as payment of services, or as advance payment of services. She used to give gifts after some one did her some service, or give some one a gift and immediately thereafter request that person to do some thing for her. Now, most of the people will execute that request out of gratitude. And usually her expectations were far more higher than the petty gifts she used to hand out. She used to control the very life of her hapless gift receivers, preying on their sense of gratitude. But can we call them gifts? Or shall we call it the price of those works? Or she never helped any one unless she extracted a bigger help in return of that help. Can we call these help?

So very often have I heard people boasting or stating to their close persons, that they have helped a person in his bad days so he is bound to help them anywhere, any time that I have started to believe that some people help others to enslave them. Do we help others to create a right on them for a pay back of that help? Its natural that we will expect some gratitude from a person we have helped, but why shall we expect return, or be more precise demand return? After all, a help is supposed to be an unselfish action, or else it will be called a paid service, not help.

I have seen a few persons actually doing like that in my life, heard a few more complaining about help that were not returned, but, there are high chances that there are more people like them. Who help others with the expectation that they have bound that person in a string of emotional or real obligation.

Some introspection and study of human nature has taught me one thing, which I don’t think a lot of people agree with, that is, its ok to not pay back every help. Or feel extremely grateful to every one who has helped us. I firmly believe that one should try his level best to not harm a person who has done him some good, but to feel overwhelmed by helps… well…

Compassion

Recently I was reading a news and some thoughts expressed about that news in newspapers. Recently a panel of judges have expressed their opinion that as human civilisation has not been able to abolish flesh trade, it should be legalized.

the thing which really shocked me was it was stated as a huge portion of our country is below poverty level we cant stop flesh trade.

so where are we heading? We cant share our bread with our fellow human beings when they have empty plates, but we can exploit their poverty in the most outrageous ways.... we should seriously think about having "compassion" for our fellow beings. Human and Non Human.

I wonder, how about giving this women the dignity which they deserve and give them the direction and help to return home and live a healthy life? Accepting them as human beings not lepers.... which they are.

there was a time when burning wives with their dead husbands was a rule of our country, or hating a huge section of persons on the basis of their birth, were they good things? they too have not been abolished completely but we are working for that.

power of people

I truly admire the POWER OF PEOPLE. This power has proved itself again and again. Sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. Sometimes it has caused World wars and sometimes it has brought peace.. like the era of Budhdhism or this present era. Which is slowly but firmly saying "NO" to violence. The signs are too clear, human beings are exhausted with mindless bloodshed, only some places are disturbed, like the aftermath of a great explosion, others are slowly falling back to peace.

I am waiting for the day when this power will be applied to save earth, our planet from the destruction towards it is heading.

if we, the people wake up and realize that measures to save the earth SHOULD BE taken then we may not be too late.

Planting trees and taking care of them is one of the best ways i guess. And if we love birds and animals then we may opt for fruit trees instead of other trees.

Educating others about the environment disasters can be a very good way of fighting this cause. I myself have learnt most of it from others, because i dont know much about these things other than the things i read in internet or newspapers. Its there i have read that planting trees can be one of the best ideas and preserving the waterbodies and other things can be equally nice idea.

I think in this over crowded planet educated people should be parting logical solutions for saving the earth and every one should try to spread those message around them. best way i think should be targetting the school children, because they are the best teachers in the whole wide world, with greatest level of enthuciasm.

a fair warning

When i first saw men in black II i was particularly amused by one scene, in that scene a giant alien was gnawing on the end part of a metro train, poor will smith first told the commuters to immediately rush to the engine, they of course ignored him, none even asked him from where has he appeared all of a sudden....

he was taking a free ride on the head of that alien, who sent him crashing through the back door of the metro.

then the commuters saw the alien and went all crazy, every body running for their life. i still remember with a grin the sarcasm which was dripping from Will Smith's face when he saw them running.

In my long run of blogging i have met some people who dont mind stealing other people's works on net, or harassing others. i have been harassed to no end by a gang of trolls for more than two years, WORST PART IS THEY USE MY BLOG NAMES, AFTER SLIGHTLY MODIFYING THEM OR OPENING THE SAME BLOGS UNDER OTHER WEBSITES. That is why i always keep my friends informed about the blog sites i am using/not using. I hope my friends are not like the commuters of that train.

i dont want them to be fooled by any troll or favour seeker using my name. i recently even deleted a remote desktop connection file from my computer, and my brother said these files are mainly used by favour seeking spammers... "please help me in transferring millions of dollars my husband left in a foreign bank before dying :)"

so... WHEN I SAY SOMETHING .... BETTER KEEP THAT IN MIND. There is one thing i can certainly vow about, I WILL NEVER ASK ANY ONE ANY KIND OF FAVOURS, IF SOME ONE ASKS YOU SOME FAVOUR THAT WILL NOT BE ME. :)

price

When I first read a quotation by famous Indian politician Chanakya I was a little skeptical of it. It said there is nothing called an unselfish relationship in this world, every relationship has its price tag attached to it. Then I started to toy with that quote in my mind and concluded that he was right, as long as he was talking about normal human beings. Human beings like you and me.

Just a few days back I was exchanging sms with one of my friends, a wonderful human being. In response to one of his comments I said that I don’t change my mind about friends, when I call a person my friend I mean that for lifetime. They may walk away or our paths may part but their affection keeps burning like the home hearth. But that hearth also needs its fuel, does not it?

Chanakya was right, only he went superficially, every relationship has its price, nothing good comes for free, the better the thing, the higher the price is.

Last week I read a poem in one of my friend’s blogs, it said that every pond holds jewel in its heart but they are not for fools or lazy persons, and I wanted to add that not for those who don’t know what a jewel is.

Earth and me

I was born in a tiny town in Uttar Pradesh, our quarter had a small garden attached to it, which was trasnformed into a jewel by my father. He loved plants, and the garden was forever vibrant with flowers of different colours and their constant companions.. birds, butterflies and bees.

Just a few hundred metres from our door started a long stretch of almost empty land, stretching upto the next railway station. we used to take long strolls in that field with our two mutts.

it was not a flat land, was quite wavy one, not much green but green enough. there were rabbits, foxes and lots of peacocks there. i have only seen the peacocks but my smarter siblings have seen all three of them.

when i shifted to my ancestral home in west bengal after a brief stay in delhi it was again a wonderful friendship with nature. it had a pond attached to it and half a dozen more ponds visible from our roof top.

in deep contrast to UP and Delhi, my hometown was green, as green it can be. Its the greenest district of West Bengal i believe.

I used to wake up at 4 in the morning to roam around the town in my bicycle. that was simply divine. i used to relish the early morning in its full glory, first light, sunrise, dew drops, cold wind... the waking up of birds.. list is never ending. to add up to the joy the gorgeous river damodar runs just beside my hometown and i used to see the sunrise from its bridge without a break.

This is the reason i believe in harmonious live together of man and other children of nature.

beautiful weather

This year's pleasant winter in Kolkata is most probably the gift of Kolkata High Court's anti pollution activities. Atleast thats what news papers are saying. That shows how much pollution tampers with the environment. Simply controlling the pollution has done this magic, I wonder what will happen if trees are planted too.

It will be really beautiful if nature is restored as much as possible even in metros like kolkata. I dont think its impossible. I think its urgent that we start thinking that way. Otherwise we will lose more and gain less from urbanization.

I wonder if our builders and developers can find out a way of not playing with environment and nature.

Lotus

We can learn a lot from lotus, it is born in mud, venomous snakes encircle it yet its divine beauty makes it an essence to every hindu puja. People take the trouble to pick them out of ponds braving all problems because without them the puja is incomplete.

In my family with history of hundreds of years of different pujas and our direct involvement in them I have had the pleasure of making lotus buds bloom by hand.. that is they arrive as buds and then we, the entire family slowly give them the form of blooming one by gently opening their petals by fingers. Without the exact number the puja is not perfect. Knowing their importance. I guess I have sentimental reasons for loving it too.

I love this flower exceptionally, because it often works as a wind under my soul’s wings which strictly follows principles and will stick to them through thick and thin. In a society where principles are challenged every day its fun to stick to them, but one sometimes gets down… during those hours the thought of lotus brightens up my spirit.
They teach me one simple thing.. whatever situations destiny lands you in, dont be afraid, just know one thing, if you keep yourself clean and pure you will find your place in god's feet. And through out your life you will reap the benefit of that.

People often think that a life of purity is a life of self deprivation.. it is when it is forced upon.. by oneself or the society. But if one takes up this life voluntarily, as acceptance to one’s nature, no one can be happier than him. A pure life means living a life as blissful as a flower, all it will have to do is stay in the right path, after that whatever problems will come to him will never be able to effect his being.. just like rain drop on lotus, they will roll down.

That’s quite an adorable mindset in this world full of ups and downs to me. Hence I am quite sincerely working on it. And whenever I meet the snakes, thorns or mud.. who challenge my target I remind myself of the thousands of lotuses who brave that.

butterflies and birds

Trees have two types of friends. butterflies and the birds. The butterflies are the gorgeous ones, the ones who light up their drab surroundings, stay with them as long as they bloom or fruit then fly away.

Birds are the lasting ones, those who come with the intention of staying. they dont care if the tree has flowers, leaves or even if it has life....

They come to it, build their nests in its branches and start living there. they are not half charismatic as butterflies. but they are lasting.

Both have their own charms, if we recognize their type we will be both way gainers.

idols fall

Yet another idol proves that he is just a human being. With moderate self restraint, and they gather all around that fallen idol. The laughing hyenas and the grim vultures.

I, on my part wonder who has given me the right to peek inside what goes on inside a man's bedroom, unless he is someone whose fall will mean the fall of the country. Even in that case I think I will simply demand that he should step down from throne because he cant jeopardise a country's safety/wellbeing on the altar of his amorous escapades.

Being a human being made of flesh and blood, who stumbles every alternate day and pulls herself up again to walk tall i dont see any thing wrong in the falling of the idol, he will stand up and walk tall again if he doesnot gives in to the jeering of the hyenas and cruel beaks of the vultures.

Negative relationships

Treating a friend as a punch-bag, pillow to cry on is a big mistake people make and as a result lose a really good friend. We often forget that we cant let out our personal miseries on others all the time, if we are in real trouble, we may share our feelings once in a while with sympathetic friends, but we should never vent out our frustrations on those who care to be with us, those who love us in an endless loop.

It may be tough, really tough, but much wiser to try to forget our trouble when we are with our friends, try to borrow some positive aura from them, instead of dousing their flame with constant drizzle of our pain or misery.

The tactic to attack a problem should be quick and final. If some thing is bugging us, we should first try to analyze if we can solve it ourselves. If no, then we should share it with our friends in concise and then simply lock it and bolt it. The quicker the better, and spend the remaining time in positive thinking. Its not as easy to do as it is to write, but with patient self training we can do it. I have personally done it. I usually don’t say any thing which I have not tested and done myself. Its better to force our mind to positive things than brood over things we cant change forever.

Is not it foolish to hurt some one who loves us for the mistakes of some one who does not loves us? That is what we do, a stranger picks up a fight with us and we vent out that fury on our friends. Or keep pouring our personal problems in them for weeks, months, years.. one day they get tired and walk away.