Treating a friend as a punch-bag, pillow to cry on is a big mistake people make and as a result lose a really good friend. We often forget that we cant let out our personal miseries on others all the time, if we are in real trouble, we may share our feelings once in a while with sympathetic friends, but we should never vent out our frustrations on those who care to be with us, those who love us in an endless loop.
It may be tough, really tough, but much wiser to try to forget our trouble when we are with our friends, try to borrow some positive aura from them, instead of dousing their flame with constant drizzle of our pain or misery.
The tactic to attack a problem should be quick and final. If some thing is bugging us, we should first try to analyze if we can solve it ourselves. If no, then we should share it with our friends in concise and then simply lock it and bolt it. The quicker the better, and spend the remaining time in positive thinking. Its not as easy to do as it is to write, but with patient self training we can do it. I have personally done it. I usually don’t say any thing which I have not tested and done myself. Its better to force our mind to positive things than brood over things we cant change forever.
Is not it foolish to hurt some one who loves us for the mistakes of some one who does not loves us? That is what we do, a stranger picks up a fight with us and we vent out that fury on our friends. Or keep pouring our personal problems in them for weeks, months, years.. one day they get tired and walk away.
Kingmaker 14 on 16th Jan 2011
13 years ago
Dear sister, I fully agree with your thoughts here. I think we can share our sufferings with our friends but only with dearest ones that too when there is no way out. I don't know it's good or bad but when it comes to my tough times of life I often like to isolate myself from my friends and relatives. I believe that surely God will test me through many ways by fear, by hunger, by loss of property, death of my closer ones etc. I think in all these circumstances I must be asking for Allah's help with patience. When I see that my friends are making me hopeless instead of encouraging me to be patient that's the time when I decide to keep my problems hidden from the rest. While, my Allah knows whatever is in my heart.
ReplyDeleteWARNING: Although, I don't share my all problems with my all friends but my dearest sister is going to be an exception....
My dearest Sister, I wish you all the best!
dearest brother,
ReplyDeleteits out of my own experience, i have walked a very bad stretch of path and lost my two very good friends just because i used to vent out all my miseries to them. :)
after that i started to practice tongue control and it works wonder on relationships, there is a saying, "when you laugh the world will laugh with you, when you cry.. you will cry alone." i have realized the meaning of this proverb after losing my best friend and a very dear friend :)
the less you share your problems with others the better it is for your dignity, safety and relationships. :)
with lots of affection,
didi
didi, If you don't wish to worry your best friend I can consider it the beauty of your personality. But how can we consider a person our best friend if we feel he/she is only a friend in the spring of our life and would leave as soon as there is momentary fall in our life?
ReplyDeletedearest brother,
ReplyDeletei acknowledge to the harsh truth hidden behind your words, but that stretch was not few days long, it continued for seven years, and he stayed with me for more than two years. his trust on me worked as a rock of gibraltor to me, that is why i call him my best friend.
we all have a right to be happy, dont we? i respect his choice.
with lots of affection.
Good to know that a friend can be befriended all the time with a positive viewpoint of one, to his/her friend. But, yes, if there is something more than being a "friend" and being in a "relationship", the hard times ahead and the hard times only can turn a good friend to change to a "very" long-lasting relationship.
ReplyDeleteSo, a friend in "need" should be ready to handle the grievances, the "bad-mood" of his/her friend and expect to face such things from a "really" good friend of him/her.
This is just what I feel.
The way you treat your friend in the "real" world will bestow you to be always surrounded with a lot of "well-wishing" friends all the time.
dear shankha,
ReplyDeleteyes, i have won a million dollar friend through this bad patch of time. he is still with me, the only friend who did not walked away.
He took the longest time to understand me and luckily he decided to stay after understanding. :)
he is the very best human being who came into my life. he holds the place with my sibling :)
agreed to the last comment. i treat my cyber world friends as human beings too. :)
May your "god" bless you with all the "hapiness" of friendship and well beings .... all the way.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes, Shankha
dear shankha,
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot! God has already blessed me in abundance. May (my) God bless you and your loved ones now and forever.